Assumptions:
I am a human.
I know myself, by myself I mean the "real" me
I have all my five senses in working positions and I am not numb.
Talking about others is always as easy as to open a tap and I considered opening a tap as an easy task because you don’t have to apply the force you don’t even have to use your arm it just needs a twist of your wrist and to know yourself “THE” real you, is like to discover the new horizons or you can say it’s like balancing an egg on a marble floor. Alas! I wish; you can understand what I mean but you don’t and neither do I wish now…
From the grade 1, I have been writing essays almost in every grade on ‘MY SELF’. But now I can just laugh on my essays, my statements, my immature writings, my childish thoughts, my improper way of expressing and totally random movements of my pen. But now when I was asked to write about my self I find myself at a fix, at a place where there is no way out… A street, infect a dark street with an opening, it seems that the open side is just a step away and when I take that step, the distance, instead of decreasing; it increases. And behind me; I find the world full of people… they are people, not human… you know the difference between people and humans? If not then I am not interested to tell you that because you belongs to people and is not a human.
Coming back to the topic, in that street behind me I find all my family members and friends everyone to whom I ever attach with, but they are not allowing me to get to that light at the end of the street, they are not helping me out.
When I think about myself and my life I find myself in that street with no light in it but the ending… gradually I leave myself numb and stationary like a rock... cant feel and unmovable without outer help.
But the time never stops for anyone… it didn’t stop for prophets; I am nothing but an ordinary one so why would it wait for me…
And that street is like a green mile to me… at times it takes a second to pass and sometimes green mile just takes so long…
Now when I am big… by big I mean, I am not a teenager anymore… I can take my decisions, I can do whatever I want, I can wear whatever I want… I can eat whatever I want… I can go out with anyone I want… I mean I can do anything I want… but there’s a problem I often face, that these things are not in my control. I have said a lot of whatever lately but my life is not in my control, I have no decision powers. Someone is taking decisions at my behalf; good or bad just don’t talk about them right now… some things are better to be left unsaid…
I see a face in that light, not recognizing it; but a feeling of a face, of my very own… people behind me are asking me to not go there but I want to go there and to find the truth by myself but I am confuse I trust the both ends… I don’t know what should I do and where should I go? On whom should I trust and on whom I shouldn’t…
I have 3 siblings. Everyone loves me and I love them too… I wasn’t very special but I always tried to make people happy… people ask me to leave the fantasies I am living in... But I don’t want to leave my world. I want to make my own world… I am ready to do anything for them but I just want to keep my world as I like…
I am not a pessimist but that’s the feeling I have received yet. I also want to be an optimist if the world and the humans in it will allow me to be one.
I am not talking Persian, but I still wonder why people don’t understand me. I try to be as simple as I can be but the people say I am psychic. I know I am not the best but I am not asking world to give me the best but at least try to give me what I deserve good or bad... Just give it to me… just give me my world back…
it seems that ur not happy with the things happening in ur life or may be the life itself.....it seems that things happening to ur life are way to fast u need to slow down them...so that u can walk with ur life...be happy.....
ReplyDeletethank you for your advice i ill try that. thank you much for taking some time out for it.
ReplyDeletereally appreciate that :)
u definitely sound a guy with a very strong n stable personality ceratinly at a fix....but i have a question why do you feel people cant understand you...nt much to say just that sumtimes v tendd to assume n c certain stuff which doesnt even exist.... btw u really know how to writeeeeeee
ReplyDeletei have one question about your personality are u really this serious kind of person or just in writing ... n if soo then any past experience which effects u or .........?
ReplyDeleteAre you really not sure of the real reason of your living... and also the fact why u being all Alone at the dark end.... no1 with you not even family..may be this is the time u need to find someone who csn be trusted in life so u can share Urself in n out the REAL Asad....
ReplyDeleteone thing that i can seee clearly tht u dont trust any1 serious trust issues but may b u
ReplyDeletehave to get ur own speace n be lil more flexible..i know u r HUMAN... as u said so give sum1 a CHANCE just a single chance tht could be the beginning of diff life....
@ Rohit
ReplyDeleteThanks ROhit Bhaiya for reading
humen beings are not supposed to be trusted, that's all i have learnt so far... it might be different for you but one should learn from his experiences, may be you have experinced totally different life, but thats the life i have experienced so far... and thank you for liking it :)
your last question's answer is about my personlaity so " Still Figuring it out" personality is like mirror it will show you what you put infront of it! i hope you understand
have a happy life :)
Peace
@ Fatima
ReplyDeleteNo i don't want people to understand me it's just that i want people to not interfere in my life :)
trust? we have to trust each other but it's just the level of trust, i don't trust people blindly but i do trust some people... and being more flexible means that you have weak decision power :)
you see how can different people can perceive things differently :) you said flexible and in my opinion its weak decision power :)
but thanks a lot for reading it :)
Peace
Asad Raza, i have known you for such a long time but i never had an encounter with your innerself, i mean "THE" real you. sometimes i feel you are living in your closet, unaware of the realities, but after reading this i can say you are not unaware, you are just afraid of realities..., everybody is.
ReplyDeleteMy advice... be open to other, start trusting people, starting from your family.
i m not afraid of them, i just don't accept them as realities because they are not realities the term reality has a very deep meanings; and we use it so often that it has lost it's value and now to accept everything as reality is just like to accept the defeat from everything like circumstances. Nothing is reality, reality is what you do and what you accept.
ReplyDeletei am not a loser to not going to accept everything as it's reality.
i need to make realities by myself, i am confident about it :)
Peace
Thanks for reading and commenting on it.